Four steps to befriending our emotions

Vanessa Kredler Author

Having emotions is part of being human and there are good reasons for why we have them. So we need to learn how to befriend them.

Having emotions is part of being human and there are good reasons for why we have them. They’re essential because they can motivate actions that seem useful for our survival, they make us aware of what we need, and they communicate to others what we need. So, it’s always good to be in touch with our emotions, and to ask ourselves: What is this emotion asking me to do? What do I need right now? What do I want people to understand? Emotions are like parts of us, and it’s important to listen to all of our parts.

Being in touch with our emotions is not necessarily about always feeling better. It’s more about getting better at going inside and feeling.

Here are four suggested steps to connect to our emotions:

1. Naming the emotions

Ask yourself:

· What am I feeling right now?

· On a level from 1-10, how strong is it?

2. Locate emotions in the body

Ask yourself:

· Where in my body is the emotion?

· What does it look like?

· What colour, texture, size, shape, sound does it have?

· Can I observe this emotion, and track how it ebbs, flows, and changes? What am I noticing?

3. Listening to the emotions

Ask yourself:

· If the emotion could speak, what would it be saying to me?

· Is it wanting me to start or stop doing something?

· Is there anything I need to attend to?

· What am I ignoring or trying to push away?

4. Befriending our emotions

The most invaluable but also sometimes confronting thing is to just sit with emotions even when they are uncomfortable. Befriending them, because, as Internal Family Systems would say, they are parts of us, and they have messages for us. I learned that at first by setting my alarm to 3 minutes each day to sit with whatever arises. Now I notice that sometimes when I want to watch Netflix, I might actually do better with just sitting quietly for a while. It’s amazing what transpires when I allow myself to do that and to listen. I like the poet Khalil Gibran’s quote that ‘your joy is your sorrow unmasked’. Only when I allow myself to experience the full spectrum of sorrow, can I also savour the full spectrum of joy. All emotions are welcome!

Categories: : Emotions